The toughest job in the world is to be parents. To understand your child’s needs, to love them prepare them for this world, it is very tricky. You are responsible for their happiness, well-being, education, passions, creativity, character and well them! From a tiny suckling baby to a full grown adult. Parents are never off-duty, they never retire. The only compensation they receive is probably some love from their children.
Here in India, parents are regarded as God. Just like our Gods, our parents can do no wrong. And just like our Gods, we expect unfathomable love, compromise, trust and care from our parents. I do not know about the Gods, but our parents deliver. Almost all parents have given up their hopes, dreams, self-worth and self-care to adapt to their child’s happiness. From dawn to dusk.
I have numerous stories of the compromises my parents have made for my brother and me. I have asked over the years, that, if given a chance would they choose not to have my brother and me? They scoff and get emotional and say, you children are the best of our lives, we can never bring ourselves to think otherwise. I know my brother and I, and believe me we aren’t the best. We stay far and barely call home.
Me trying to establish their individuality is a recent occurrence, after my own set of epiphanies. But it is too late now. They are long lost!
I remember growing up though my parents were always on the edge. Our education, daily activities, our trying to fit into the society, numerous questions and issues kept them occupied.
Our parents would never shy away from raising their hands on us, or shower us with curses (they are from Uttar Pradesh, so that is sort of in-built into them). We never took any of it as an offence. This was a sign of their love for us, they cared!
The new- gen parents are different. They frown upon this era of parenting. They take the more peaceful approach. But these new-men parents too are always on the edge.
I do not think I have met couples in-love and genuinely happy parents. In most cases the two do not coexist.
This is again thanks to our society.
What is the point of being married and having coitus, if you cannot procreate? This is why God created man and woman! Don’t you know? Sounds familiar?
Two couples I know, madly in love, happy with each other, pursuing their passions, have chosen not to be parents. The shame, the scrutiny, the questions and the gossip, they have to endure is disturbing to say the least. Do people not realise that you are actually interfering in their s*x-lives? This is just so bizarre!
A lot of people might disagree:
oh why? We do want to be parents! Oh!you say that because you are not a mother! You will feel differently when you have your own kids! Oh! If you cannot get pregnant you can adopt! and blah blah blah!!!!
How difficult is it to fathom that, it is between the couple, they decide! They have to parent the child not you! Not everybody wants to go through the feeding, the worrying, the fear, the pressure and have patience to bring up a child. And believe me, not everyone is capable of it! The child feels everything a parent feels, however much they try to hide the emotions. It is an injustice to both human beings.
Can we please not frown upon couples who decide not be parents? Normalise pet parents! Normalise parenthood on choice! Stop expecting your parents to make life altering sacrifices. They are human beings, just like you and me. Maybe then, we will have a fewer traumatised kids arounds and more happy couples!
The rule is very simple, not in our marriage, no opinion!
The Brown Cyster Project 